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What if… there was no what if?

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Reverb Day5 –

Prompt: Let Go!  

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

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This year I said goodbye to the idea of needing a conclusion to every situation.  I let go of the “What if?”

Life is too short to “fast forward” only to find out the ending before the moment even begins.  I used to get so caught up in “needing to know” that I forgot about being alive.  My executive structure has always penetrated my entire world. 

If there were dinner plans next weekend I’d (normally) be thinking about what would happen after dinner, *what if* I don’t get invited back?  

A business trip on the books…oh! *what if* I schedule a massage when I return? 

You get the point… right? 

As I stepped foot into 2010 I let go of the futuristic *what if’s?* and made a solid focus on enjoying each moment.  Being present in the moment, as I’ve learned, is really where the gifts of life come from.  Don’t get me wrong, in times of stress or heavy workloads  those *what if’s* come around, but now I breathe and *LET GO!*

What can you let go of? 

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Armed wide open!

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Reverb Day 4… 1 day late!

Prompt: Wonder!

 How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

This year, I took off the armor!

You know, the kind you see from mid-evil times.  Helmet, shield and full metal body armor.  Up until this year I didn’t seem to mind carrying around all that weight. I felt safe there, strong and untouchable.  What changed? 

The change was subtle and gradual.  I began to *wonder* what it would be like to put down my shield.  Wow, that was a really strange feeling… I walked a couple of days without that heavy piece of protection and it created some space, openness.  I noticed a sense of approachability.  More acceptance from friends, strangers and family started to flow my way.  One day I tried picking up the shield again and it was too heavy to lift, but really I didn’t want to lift it anymore or again. 

A sense of courage came over me and I took of the helmet, oh my!  I could breathe.  I could appear in any situation with my face forward and mind present.  Each step of the way I shed a little more of the armor.  Next,  the shoes, I could stand on solid ground and find a connection, foundation.  Legs, sleeves, but not the chest plate… oh HELL NO!  Nobody’s getting near my heart. 

Wait! I began to *wonder*, imagine, dream of love, light, support, honesty.  That was my heart!  The slow shedding of the armor created a safe place of *wonderment*.  I began to lift off the chest plate slowly.  With each inch I experienced moments of joy, hugs and love from dear people who saw my heart shine through when I took off the helmet.  Once that thing came off, a flood of love rushed into my world.  I understood what “receiving love” meant. 

Yes, my year of *wonder*all started when the armor came off, one piece at a time.  I used to walk around, ready for battle at any given moment.  I could handle it all.  You would find me avoiding connection, not getting too close.  Love was not allowed in, only I could offer it when I damn well wanted to.  I called the shots.

Today, I am “Armed wide open…” I feel a sense of wonder in every moment.  When I talk with friends, I feel what they are saying and listen without needing to protect.  Walking my dog, head raised high to look at the bird sitting in a tree or greet a neighbor with a friendly hello.  In love, vulnerable in every experience, allowing, accepting and receiving. 

I *wonder* what is in store for next year…

What have you observed about your own experience over this year?  Are you open to exploring a sense of *wonder*? Don’t be afraid…

Flight patterns of a frequent flyer…

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Delayed flights, airport security, rude flight attendants, the blur of a city flashing before my eyes….  leave me wondering why I haven’t made a mad dash toward the emergency exit doors and actually followed the instructions to take a leap! 

Hello! My name is Geanette and I am a “frequent flyer”!

I am the person who runs for the door when that “thing”… the first tickle of fear, flutter of the heart, confrontation, mis-understanding or challenge presents itself.  You name it… I’m a flyer!  Most people would call this a “psychological issue” … Not me!  Nope… I’m in love with my frequent flyer miles… I’ve been all over this country to take flight from dealing with that “thing”. 

Hmmm… I realized this quality of mine recently and am not so sure it’s okay anymore!  Change is happening… and I’m still here.  While reading about equanimity I came upon this insight “Equanimity…is based on the understanding that the conflict and frustration we feel when we can’t control the world doesn’t come from our inability to do so but rather from the fact that we are trying to control the uncontrollable.”  In comparison, the “flight” response is a trigger to go into survival mode. “Our heart is not open.  Our rational mind is disengaged.  Our consciousness is focused on fear, not on love… We lose our ability to relax and enjoy the moment.  We live from crisis to crisis, with no relief in sight.  Burnout is inevitable.  This burnout is what usually provides the motivation to change our lives for the better.”

Hello! My name is Geanette and I am a “frequent flyer”.  Recovering and learning to enjoy each moment without “flying”, allow change and release control. 

As Sharon Salzberg kindly shares… “To see things as they are, to see the changing nature, to see the impermanence, to see that constant flow of pleasant and painful events outside our control — that is freedom.”  I am feeling more freedom each day, however, I will ask forgiveness in advance and apologize again and again as I learn to share my feelings without erupting loudly in the middle of restaurants, confronting fears without tact and interrupting a kind listener because I just reached some epiphany. 

Hello! My name is Geanette and I am a “frequent flyer” who is finding the balance , wisdom and understanding of what it means to have my feet on the ground.

THE OPENING OF EYES

by David Whyte

That day I saw beneath dark clouds

the passing light over the water

and I heard the voice of the world speak out,

I knew then, as I had before

life is no passing memory of what has been

nor the remaining pages in a great book

waiting to be read.

It is the opening of eyes long closed.

It is the vision of far off things

seen for the silence they hold.

It is the heart after years

of secret conversing

speaking out loud in the clear air.

It is Moses in the desert

fallen to his knees before the lit bush.

It is the man throwing away his shoes

as if to enter heaven

and finding himself astonished,

opened at last,

fallen in love with solid ground.