What a mess!

Standard

#Reverb10  “is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.”

Today’s Prompt: Writing!
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

I love to write! It’s such a release for me…but what are all the people going to think that read my *stuff*, I’m a mess! My answer to the thoughtful question of today’s prompt is: Self Destructive Internal Chatter!

What can I do about it? Get rid of  worry and face my fear.  There are no more excuses!  My main *distraction* is going to be out of my life starting tomorrow afternoon, which means, the road is now open.  It’s time to follow my dreams and my heart, this includes writing, and realize there are some people who are experiencing similar things and I may be able to encourge just one reader a day. 

Starting now… I will focus on that last thought “encourage just one reader a day”

What encourages you? 

<a href=”http://www.reverb10.com&#8221; target=”_blank”> <img src=”http://www.reverb10.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/reverb10story.png” /></a>

One Word

Standard

#Reverb10

Prompt: One Word

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

For me *2010*: transformation!

For those who know me, no explanation needed… skip to the next paragraph! 

This year has been a solid awakening to my heart and what I want most out of life.  I’ve faced some fears and jumped hurdles that I never thought I could do.  A nice bonus, I’ve fallen in *love*!  The barriers are continuing to break down and my mission to begin my dream of teaching yoga begins. 

*2011*: Enlightenment!

A new beginning in all things!  Moving to another state, finding my way towards a dream job.  Lastly (but not least important), to join forces with the man of my dreams, my love!

What about you? 

I’m interested in your thoughts!

XOXO

<a href=”http://www.reverb10.com” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://www.reverb10.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/reverb10manifest.png” /></a>

The real stuff…

Standard

A day in the life… there can be so much!!  After a very recent experience of having to make a choice I think I’ll just start from here.

Choices!  Good or tough, they create movement and change toward a  direction.  What happens when that choice creates heartbreak, can you be so brave to make the right one?  Are you able to stay firm in your choice even though it may cause immense pain? 

When it relates to matters of love, I’ve never been in a situation where a choice I’ve made caused great pain in my own heart.  The circumstances I’ve been faced with usually relate to positive progress for me and heartache/break for others. 

Over the last several months I have been in a relationship with an amazing man.  With him I felt safe to completely open my heart and truly experience the true joy of love.  He also allowed me to be myself in every way, grumpy, loving, sexy, needy, emotional.  There were times he would call me on my “stuff”, which typically resulted in drawing closer to each other.  I have no doubts his experience was very similar to mine.   

In this case the choice… beliefs / religion.  Two strong, convicted and compassionate  individuals who love each other dearly, faced with one big dinosaur.  We each have our convictions, reasons, desires and in the end we individually know what’s next.  When you love someone  deeply enough to recognize that the differences in your beliefs will create hardship  and hinder true happiness, it becomes clear that your paths can no longer be shared. 

With tears and heartbreak we have to move forward carrying the love in our hearts with deep respect and honor.   For me I think the hardest part will be moving in general for a while…

Have you every experienced a heartbreaking choice?  What gave you the strength?

 ‎”When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step into the darkness of the unknown. Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen. There will be solid ground to stand on or you will be taught to fly.”
-Anon

Where to start…?

Standard

After several months of over-thinking the whole idea of “where to start..?”  Today I realized… anywhere is good.  Here it goes… 

I’ve been a pretty busy lady, who hasn’t right?… well, unless you’re a man.   

One thing has been pretty consistent in my life since my last post and that “thing” is yoga!  Retreats, teacher training practicum, yoga workshops, home practice… more like sitting on my mat “meditating”, trying out different classes,  teaching classes… this list goes on.  

Today, I was walking with Jake (my dog) and the reality of all of the above floated into complete balance with one thought…  Yoga has become my passion, it has evolved into every part of my life.  It doesn’t matter that I’m gainfully employed in my “dream funder” Advertising Executive job… that has become yoga too!  Having a relationship…yoga! Walking with Jake…yoga! Sitting with a glass of wine under the stars + bonus full moon…yoga! Placing a (skateboard)deck order for my Skateboard venture…yoga!  You get my point…right? 

For those who don’t know me all too well, this is a HUGE realization!  If you have the time to skim through my “evolution” blogs (writings during yoga teacher training), you will notice… a girl who TOOK  life way too seriously has now become a being who flows with each ebb of a days breeze.  Granted, there are some flash backs, fears of the heart, angry thoughts, sarcastic puns, etc. but these are quickly resolved by my passion…yoga! 

All that said, I think I will “start” with this… it is possible to find a sense of balance and enjoyment with the “not so fun things” of life once you realize your passion and sense of being.  One of the things I’ve stopped doing while finding this balance is writing.   Resolution – I’m going to give it some energy again… each week I write at least once.  

Here’s where you come in,  take a look at the ideas below and let me know your opinion/ideas.  I know, I’m not some famous diva who is seeking a nobel prize… but maybe an interview on Oprah (if she comes out of retirement)… obviously joking here.  Truth is, I know it took some nudging and self discovery to find this peaceful place, and honestly I love helping people, even if it’s just with a few insightful words.  Here it goes:

– Quotes: I love quotes, those who follow me on Facebook know that I post a quote every morning.  Direction: pick a quote or two from my weekly posting and expand on it, creative writing/exploration.  I’ll even tell you were I find these little gems. 

– Day in the life: My discoveries along the way as an advertising executive, yoga teacher, skateboard business owner, lover, friend, daughter, sister and dog mom living my “passion”… challenges, discoveries, short falls, you name it.  

What would you find interesting to read about (even if none of the above)? I’d like your thoughts! 

BTW… Today’s quote:  

The most important adjustment to be made is not in the thermostat but in our own view of what constitutes comfort. –Steven Cox ; Published in today’s edition of “Daily Good” newsletter. http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=4228XOXO

YogaSkaterMediaMavenDivaFashionista – #1: Stuff to take ACTION on

Standard

While we’re at it…let’s just put a title on everything!  NOT REALLY!

Just in case you’ve just woken up dizzy from a drug induced sleep… it’s 2010!  Yes, wake up, shake off the cob webs and set your intentions, resolutions…. GOALS.  If you haven’t, what’s wrong with you?  If you have, you should probably read those again… just sayin’.  Don’t you feel like this is the time of judgement from all sides?  I do! … and I’m not putting up with it this time!!!

If you’re on my page, you’re probably sick of all the publicity, rules, guidelines or guilt surrounding the beginning of a new year.  Just in case you didn’t notice…. my new year’s resolutions haven’t been published yet.  I’ve read plenty, really great ones too!  Some I could have written for myself. 

This morning I actually had a conversation with myself, which wasn’t very attractive by the way, to get motivated about my “STUFF” for 2010.  Well, ladies and gentlemen…. my new motto for this new decade is…. F*ck titles, categories & guilt! It’s all about action, my action!

Here’s my “STUFF”…. there are no rules around these items, but I realized they are the most important to me and probably will always be:

Clarity…. can only come from truly saying what you feel, meaning what you say and deciding to take action!

Security…. money isn’t everything but it does pay the bills.  Security comes from doing what you love, puting your heart and soul into it and living the life you’ve manifested by your actions!  That’s how the bills get paid.

Love…. is ever-present when your heart is open.  You will give love everyday simply through acts of kindness! You will receive love daily when you realize you deserve it!

Moment…. each one should be cherished, no matter how wonderful, amazing, or sucky it may seem.  When you actively listen, see, taste and/or feel what is happening around you, your heart will  be filled with many gifts!  Receive them all.

My “STUFF” all requires ACTION…  Today, instead of sitting down wondering how this was all going to happen.  I decided to sit down and breathe for a minute.  I took each subject in my brain, an overwhelming task, and simply decided… This cannot be given to me, I must take the steps in order to receive the benefits of what’s important to ME. 

Here’s MY (aka: YogaSkaterMediaMavenDivaFashionista) list of actions….

– Meditate at least 5 days a week (I need spirituality to stay sane) – Clarity & Love

– Practice MY yoga everyday (for the non-yoga reader, “MY yoga” isn’t always on a mat…it’s how I will  live) – Clarity & Moment

– Teach yoga to cancer patients and make it my livelihood – Security & Love

– Learn to ride a skateboard at least 20 miles – Moment & Love

– Speak from my heart ALL THE TIME – Love

– Put my heart into my “current” Media Maven livelihood – (find the passion in junk mail…it’s paying the bills for the stuff I love) – Security

– Taking my inner fashionista to consignment or discount stores instead of dropping loads on “trendy” topics… (exception: Jeans & Shoes) – Security

You may all think I’m crazy!  It’s okay….I already know I am!  Simply stated and realized…. The things I WANT (as posted in my earlier blog) will be valued more while I’m taking ACTION on my STUFF! 

Don’t judge me, these are mine….remember, no rules!!! 

Feel free to share your stuff…. I am a good listener/reader.

My New Year “Wants” …. Out Loud!

Standard

#1 – Because I haven’t said it enough… LOVE! 

Yes, my relationship phobic friends….I want one.  I’ve seen the worst and the best and have come to realize I’m not interested in being “alone”.  To cherish time with children or an amazing companion is what most people surrounding me are blessed with.  I’ve heard the complaining…. so shut up and listen.  Life is too short to hold the love you have to offer in the box placed strategically on the top shelf of the closet.  A friend recently shared an insight that I absolutely love… “Men are to be enjoyed, not controlled.” 

What I want:

This year I want to open my heart and forget about fear so I can allow expressions of love and adoration to flow freely. My feelings expressor has been blocked, protected, whatever you want to call it for far too long.

I’m ready for a lasting love, a partner to share my life and heart with… it will not happen if box of feelings stays on the top shelf!

How it could happen:

Always share simple thoughts as soon as they come to mind about a special someone. If speaking isn’t an option at that moment, write it down.  SAY IT!!!

My commitment:

Trust my heart and push aside feelings of fear. Life is too short!

#2 – Enlighten my entrepreneurial spirit

Now that I’ve set my sights on the goal of becoming “self-employed” (shhh!  Not just yet), it’s time to put some action behind the ideas… Skateboarding, yoga for cancer, non-profit events, they can all fit…. but how?  It can’t be that difficult!

What I want:

I want to find the simplicity in solid business partnerships and management of my own venture, teaching yoga to cancer patients, to establish a livelihood that will financially sustain my existence without daily worry. 

How I think this all might come together:

Write a business plan that makes sense for all pieces. Outline expectations with business partners, because communication is a dual responsibility in any successful business venture!  Discuss the important things and decide what stays and what goes…even if that means me. 

My Commitment:

Trust my convictions and always remember the passion I feel today.  I promise not to take things too seriously otherwise I’ll drive myself CRAZY!  When I make a decision I will stand behind it 100%, unless someone provides a simpler option. 

 #3 – Cherish each moment no matter what!

This may sound a bit funny to most people… but…  This past year I learned something about myself,  I hadn’t been paying attention to what was happening right in front of me.  My mind has a tendency to get caught in the next thing on the schedule…where am I flying next week, what meetings do I have, who’s coming to town…. Yuck!  Or at least I realize now how much I’ve missed because I was just clearly not paying attention. 

What I want:

Enjoyment and pleasure in facing each moment with ease and comfort and not even thinking of what’s next on the agenda.  Even though this one is listed #3, it’s my favorite J  just because it already has brought me so much happiness!

How this works:

Don’t sweat the small stuff…literally!  Keep in mind the reasons why I made the choice to be present and add this little task, meeting, occasion, chat…whatever it is to my day.  Allow for the unexpected and remember to allow the heart to be present.

My commitment:

To take a minute while cherishing the good stuff to recognize what it is that makes this time special, or not in some cases, and express my thoughts.  Share the joy!  What makes me happy may just give someone else an opportunity to smile. 

There you have it Universe!  I’m sure there are plenty more #’s to add to this list, which I may keep adding as the year goes by, we’ll see!  The truth is I was inspired by Havi Brooks, a wonderfully smart lady, who expressed her honesty to say what you want…  I hope sharing my “wants” will inspire others to feel empowered too.

I cried today…

Standard

Like a faucet was turned on, without fear I opened my mouth to share during our “closing circle” and the tears just ran down my face with every word expressed…

Less that one year ago I was lost.  It was as if I woke up one day and realized I’d been walking around in a trance and someone slapped me across the face and asked  – What the hell are you doing here?  I had just quit smoking, my job was becoming overwhelmingly “my whole life” and I had no idea how to interact with society or friends for that matter without the so-called stiff upper lip. 

I took a week off of work because I had no idea what had come over me…. I always have it together, what just happened?  Why do I feel like I’m dead inside this body walking around?  During that week I decided to go on a little daily journey and do things that made me feel…something, anything.  I took myself to breakfast with my journal.  I went to a movie… AND I walked into this amazing yoga studio It’s all Yoga.  Little did I know, that week back in March when I decided to take action on a crazy little article I had read out of the MidTown Monthly while getting my car washed would find me here today feeling more alive than I’ve felt … EVER!  Although excited about that feeling I never would have thought, in a million years, that I’d be writing today about my final “class” day of the Yoga Teacher Training program.

Those who have followed my journey through my blogs have read many very personal expressions of the impact this last six months has had on me.  If this is the first time you’ve read my expressions… in summary…  When I began this program I expected to learn all about Asana (yoga poses), what a great work out – Right?  Not so much!  This teacher training program turned into a personal, spiritual and soulful journey that I never could have imagined or expected.  I am in awe. 

Today I was feeling a little down.  This day, a milestone day, one that would normally be shared with someone important was just not turning out to be so.  My “important” people had more important things going on today, and believe me… one, two, three important persons later I realized… I started this journey alone and maybe this is a sign that I must finish it that way too.  As I arrived at the studio my fellow classmates and I participated in a beautiful practice, difficult in moments,  very sweet in whole.  As my body moved I could feel the energy in the room supporting me through each pose hugging me as if to say… you are not alone

To close out the day and this portion of training we sat in our “closing circle” to reunite our minds and memory back to that day on July 31, 2009 when we first sat together in an “opening circle”.  Michelle, our amazing teacher, reminded us of  a story that she shared back then.  The story of a turtle, rarely coming up to the surface of the water…and on the occasion that this particular turtle came to the surface just at the right time, the right vicinity … peeked his head up for air right through a ring that was resting on the surface.  A rare and telling sign of what we all were about to express today.

After being asked to recall what we shared at the start of this journey a few people began to open up with expression of gratitude, love, appreciation, trust and raw emotion.  It became very clear in words that we all sat in this circle today, December 20, 2009 as changed beings. 

When the time felt right I offered my thoughts, which went something like this… (Keep in mind, the minute I opened my mouth I was crying)  Let’s see if I can say this with out crying.  I really don’t remember everything I said back in July, one thing is certain, I learned how to cry!  You see, I was always of the mind that I was too tough to cry (the tears are still flowing here).  I made it a point not to cry in front of people.   When I started here I thought I would gain a better understanding of practicing yoga.  As I sit here today I can honestly say that this experience was so much more than I expected.  (still tears) Through this journey I have learned so much about myself and I found my soul again, I realized that I have a wonderful heart.  Thank you all for sharing this with me, I will cherish you as lifetime friends …

I cried today…. and I am extremely humbled because I found my beautiful soul!

Today was not the end, however the beginning…

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue.  Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.  And the point is, to live everything.  Live the questions now.  Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer.  ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet