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Another day at the office… or NOT

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Observer

Stopped to say hello..

Why is it so hard to just follow a dream? Is it really necessary for the ego the mind to get in the way?

It’s Wednesday,and so far it’s been a very positive week.  It started out with a welcome letter from my new “yoga home” accepting my application for a work-study opportunity.  Yay! Now I can commit to work in the studio, meet wonderful yoga people and in trade attend any yoga class I want… FREE! YES!

It gets better…. next, the studio owner called to confirm my Thursday “Audition Class” AND asked if I would also like to Sub / Audition the very next morning… Tuesday! YES!  I hung up the phone after a lovely conversation and immediately started FREAKING OUT!  I haven’t taught a yoga class since December 20, 2010!!   OMG! Why did I say yes, OMG!! , over and over.

The good news is, earlier on Monday I finally opened up my “box of yoga” that had been packed since January, 2011 before moving to Las Vegas.  What’s so special about this “box of yoga”?  It honestly contains a portion of my heart, my dream and a sprinkle of spirit, all taped up nicely in this box for almost two years.  Every book, journal, class sequence and encouraging card that I had collected through my Teacher Training program followed by actual teaching for nearly a year is here in this box.

Long story short, I went to my favorite journal given to me by my teacher @Michelle Marlahan that contains my trusted groupings of quotes, class plans and intentions.  I found a start, practiced the plan and decided to follow my heart and remember one thing, actually two things… I have actually  classes before (several of them) and breathe.

Tuesday morning presented mixed emotions and a very nervous tummy, followed by an encouraging note from a new supporter.  About 15 minutes into the class I realized I was actually here, teaching…. OMG! Why did I say yes? OMG! Then I remembered to breathe.  After class I received some very kind feedback and super supportive hugs, but why the doubt and anxiety?  My thoughts immediately turned toward the what if’s, why didn’t you say that and you know better’s.

All that leads to today, my first day of training for my new work-study job at the studio.  The thoughts still in my head, negative, doubt, maybe I should get back to sending out my resume for a “real job”, which is what led me straight to the beach.  I walked, and walked looking out at the surf, seeing surfers catch waves and fall off, some getting some good turns in.  It made me realize, sometimes we fall off but if you don’t get back out there and try again you’ll never feel it or learn it, or believe in it.

As I sat with that thought, my new friend (in the picture above) waddled up and just stood there as if to say “try again”…

Tomorrow, I try again class number two…

Have you had this or a similar experience?

Back to ME

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Where have I been? I guess a small pause in checking out the scenery in a different town had me distracted for a while.  Oh, not to worry… the roots were still there, the leaves had just fallen off for a bit. 

Here I am, back to nature, back to self reflection and breathing in fresh ocean air.  What do I do now?

Today I read a blog from http://dailydownwarddog.com/ .  “Messages from the Universe” was the title, it was almost as if she got into my head and wrote about the internal thoughts I have been burdened with.  I quit my “real job”, a great one. I took a chance, moved to Oceanside with the love of my life. Now, I have options. Do I accept the offer of the “real job” that feels like old shoes (my analogy) or do I follow my heart and begin teaching yoga again…new, or no shoes. 

What to do…

1. Get back to a regular yoga practice

2. Unpack the box filled with my yoga stuff that has been in my garage for almost 2 years

3. Send off the completion details for that 200hr Teacher Training course… DUH!

4. Let the Universe guide the steps…

What have you been pondering?  Is there a Fear you’ve been allowing to guide you? I’d love your input…

Today, I’m open to the moment and for now… it’s time for a pedicure.

 

 

 

The “anti-Should”

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December 20 – #Reverb10

Prompt: Beyond Avoidance!

What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

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Considering I’ve grown to be an “anti-SHOULD” this year everything was just as it was supposed to have been.  Of all the years, this year will certainly go into the books as a turning point of experience.  Next year will only allow for all of the openings to become their own gardens to tend to. 

To name just a few of the things I didn’t avoid…

Learning ~ To be a yoga teacher and to open up to my own soul…super cool!

Giving ~ My heart to a wonderful man; My time towards causes I believe in: Breast Cancer Awareness & Yoga

Opening ~ My eyes to see that I “was” not STUCK in a job that I didn’t care for.

Asking ~ For help and relief both emotionally and fiscally. 

As of today… I’m pretty happy with my “anti-SHOULD” status.

How about you?

What are your thoughts on the “should”?

Is there something you wish you would have accomplished this year?

True Gifts: Friends!

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December 16 – #Reverb10

Prompt: Friendship!

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)

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In my small little world I can’t name just ONE friend that has influenced me  this year.  I feel extremely fortunate to have a small handful of amazing ladies who have all played an individual role in changing me and my perspective. 

A capsule of each… (nicknames are just for fun)

Open Hearted ~ Has changed my experience in sharing from the heart,  rather than guarding or holding back.  She doesn’t tolerate vague.  The learning… who cares, just go for it, talk about it…let go!

Warrior Princess ~ Oh yes, I have a warrior friend.  This year she has fought every battle imaginable.  Her strength and positive approach to every situation has opened my thoughts to “anything IS possible”.  No matter what obstacle is in the way, there can be another route to take. 

Mother of Many ~ She holds the world on her shoulders and never takes a break.  This year she realized her dreams are also important.  For me this gave me motivation to follow my own dreams… even though she would say the same about me. 

Lil’ Diva ~ My biggest cheerleader! This gal has carried a full plate this year.  Many planned occasions over the past year created some emotions, turmoil and happiness for her.  Through it all, she found value in friendship and took the opportunity to listen when I needed her.  The value of taking the time even when you don’t always have it… such a true gift.

The gradual burst… every step of everyday in my own trials, happiness, or experience or theirs we all were present for each other.  

A sudden moment… when I was broken, they suggested “brunch on the patio, we can all wear our sunglasses and nobody will know you’re crying”…

There is so much more I could write for all to see however I don’t hold back from telling each of them how much they mean to me.  There is nothing more true than loving friendships! 

I am eternally grateful! 

What special friend moment touched you this year?

What if… there was no what if?

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Reverb Day5 –

Prompt: Let Go!  

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

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This year I said goodbye to the idea of needing a conclusion to every situation.  I let go of the “What if?”

Life is too short to “fast forward” only to find out the ending before the moment even begins.  I used to get so caught up in “needing to know” that I forgot about being alive.  My executive structure has always penetrated my entire world. 

If there were dinner plans next weekend I’d (normally) be thinking about what would happen after dinner, *what if* I don’t get invited back?  

A business trip on the books…oh! *what if* I schedule a massage when I return? 

You get the point… right? 

As I stepped foot into 2010 I let go of the futuristic *what if’s?* and made a solid focus on enjoying each moment.  Being present in the moment, as I’ve learned, is really where the gifts of life come from.  Don’t get me wrong, in times of stress or heavy workloads  those *what if’s* come around, but now I breathe and *LET GO!*

What can you let go of? 

<a href=”http://www.reverb10.com” target=”_blank”> <img src=”http://www.reverb10.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/reverb10button.png” /></a>

Armed wide open!

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Reverb Day 4… 1 day late!

Prompt: Wonder!

 How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

This year, I took off the armor!

You know, the kind you see from mid-evil times.  Helmet, shield and full metal body armor.  Up until this year I didn’t seem to mind carrying around all that weight. I felt safe there, strong and untouchable.  What changed? 

The change was subtle and gradual.  I began to *wonder* what it would be like to put down my shield.  Wow, that was a really strange feeling… I walked a couple of days without that heavy piece of protection and it created some space, openness.  I noticed a sense of approachability.  More acceptance from friends, strangers and family started to flow my way.  One day I tried picking up the shield again and it was too heavy to lift, but really I didn’t want to lift it anymore or again. 

A sense of courage came over me and I took of the helmet, oh my!  I could breathe.  I could appear in any situation with my face forward and mind present.  Each step of the way I shed a little more of the armor.  Next,  the shoes, I could stand on solid ground and find a connection, foundation.  Legs, sleeves, but not the chest plate… oh HELL NO!  Nobody’s getting near my heart. 

Wait! I began to *wonder*, imagine, dream of love, light, support, honesty.  That was my heart!  The slow shedding of the armor created a safe place of *wonderment*.  I began to lift off the chest plate slowly.  With each inch I experienced moments of joy, hugs and love from dear people who saw my heart shine through when I took off the helmet.  Once that thing came off, a flood of love rushed into my world.  I understood what “receiving love” meant. 

Yes, my year of *wonder*all started when the armor came off, one piece at a time.  I used to walk around, ready for battle at any given moment.  I could handle it all.  You would find me avoiding connection, not getting too close.  Love was not allowed in, only I could offer it when I damn well wanted to.  I called the shots.

Today, I am “Armed wide open…” I feel a sense of wonder in every moment.  When I talk with friends, I feel what they are saying and listen without needing to protect.  Walking my dog, head raised high to look at the bird sitting in a tree or greet a neighbor with a friendly hello.  In love, vulnerable in every experience, allowing, accepting and receiving. 

I *wonder* what is in store for next year…

What have you observed about your own experience over this year?  Are you open to exploring a sense of *wonder*? Don’t be afraid…

Where it all begins… in a moment!

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Reverberating Day 3

Prompt: Moment!

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

One morning in March of this year I sat on my mat, placed delicately on a beautiful mahogany wood floor in Ojai, California.  I was at a “Manifestation” retreat lead by a beautiful soul Jennifer Pastiloff.  The air outdoors was cool. The windows of the  yoga studio were perfectly placed to reflect sun-rays across the floor.  The room smelled of lavendar from savasana “love” offered the night before.   The room was filled with morning meditator’s, some were experiencing their first quiet sit and others familiar with this practice. 

We were each guided to introduce ourselves followed by what we wanted to manifest in our life, in that moment,  “be specific” was suggested.  We went around the room, respectfully listening to each others very personal manifestations,  eyes were closed, some filled with tears I’m sure, as I know mine were. 

The next suggestion sealed the entire moment for me.  Suggestion: As you sit, try to “focus out”, give your stuff to the universe and leave it there, follow by sending love and support to everyone surrounding you in the room.  Moments of quietly sitting, surrounded by each others powerful nurturing energy.

The meditation:

Let go of wanting – release!

Receive what I need in my heart.

Allow freedom of feelings and thoughts.

Express appreciation, gratitude & emotion.

We were each offered a beautiful reverberation.  Jennifer placed a singing bowl on our “yoga” hearts and sounded the bell.  The vibration was fantastic!

My eyes opened and I was alive! Everything new… and so my *transformation* took life!

What moment rings through for you?

Is there a defining moment where you felt alive, changed or simply content?

XOXO