Why is it so hard to just follow a dream? Is it really necessary for the ego the mind to get in the way?
It’s Wednesday,and so far it’s been a very positive week. It started out with a welcome letter from my new “yoga home” accepting my application for a work-study opportunity. Yay! Now I can commit to work in the studio, meet wonderful yoga people and in trade attend any yoga class I want… FREE! YES!
It gets better…. next, the studio owner called to confirm my Thursday “Audition Class” AND asked if I would also like to Sub / Audition the very next morning… Tuesday! YES! I hung up the phone after a lovely conversation and immediately started FREAKING OUT! I haven’t taught a yoga class since December 20, 2010!! OMG! Why did I say yes, OMG!! , over and over.
The good news is, earlier on Monday I finally opened up my “box of yoga” that had been packed since January, 2011 before moving to Las Vegas. What’s so special about this “box of yoga”? It honestly contains a portion of my heart, my dream and a sprinkle of spirit, all taped up nicely in this box for almost two years. Every book, journal, class sequence and encouraging card that I had collected through my Teacher Training program followed by actual teaching for nearly a year is here in this box.
Long story short, I went to my favorite journal given to me by my teacher @Michelle Marlahan that contains my trusted groupings of quotes, class plans and intentions. I found a start, practiced the plan and decided to follow my heart and remember one thing, actually two things… I have actually classes before (several of them) and breathe.
Tuesday morning presented mixed emotions and a very nervous tummy, followed by an encouraging note from a new supporter. About 15 minutes into the class I realized I was actually here, teaching…. OMG! Why did I say yes? OMG! Then I remembered to breathe. After class I received some very kind feedback and super supportive hugs, but why the doubt and anxiety? My thoughts immediately turned toward the what if’s, why didn’t you say that and you know better’s.
All that leads to today, my first day of training for my new work-study job at the studio. The thoughts still in my head, negative, doubt, maybe I should get back to sending out my resume for a “real job”, which is what led me straight to the beach. I walked, and walked looking out at the surf, seeing surfers catch waves and fall off, some getting some good turns in. It made me realize, sometimes we fall off but if you don’t get back out there and try again you’ll never feel it or learn it, or believe in it.
As I sat with that thought, my new friend (in the picture above) waddled up and just stood there as if to say “try again”…
Tomorrow, I try again class number two…
Have you had this or a similar experience?